


Giving Up Her Universe

by Air_Quiet_Reader



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Marriage Proposal, Melancholy, One Shot, Parent-Child Relationship, Romance, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 10:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10897164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Air_Quiet_Reader/pseuds/Air_Quiet_Reader
Summary: "Pearl could not have ever imagined she would be faced with this moment again. The moment she realized she was being replaced. The moment where she was asked to give up the person she loved more than anything, loved more than the entire universe, to a human."Connie asks Pearl for Steven's hand in marriage. It does not go well.





	Giving Up Her Universe

In the all-too-fleeting moments when their blades clanged loudly against each other, Pearl felt as if she were fighting her own reflection...the elegant flow of her pupil’s sword, her swift movements that made pinning impossible, even the creative flourishes that kept Pearl guessing.  
  
It all reminded Pearl so much of herself.  
  
Such was the cultivation of years of training and combat experience, starting from when Connie was naught but a child. Not a session went by that Pearl didn’t swell with pride at seeing how far her student had come.  
  
With the way she carried her tall frame, her body honed and maturing over the years into a well-muscled machine, eyes speaking of surety, the human known as Connie was no longer a child. That little girl, perhaps in over her head trying to keep pace with impossible alien beings, was gone, replaced by the powerful _woman_ in front of her, power unparalleled among her ilk. She pulled no punches in her might, striking with a ferocity that would have been impossible short years ago.  
  
Connie slammed her blade down hard, trying to use her height advantage over Pearl to push her instructor down. Pearl glared into Connie’s face, seeing her own concentration mirrored there.  
  
But Pearl knew the hasty shove was foolhardy and unlike her pupil’s usual tactics. The gem’s mouth curled slightly upward as she went into a controlled fall, watching as Connie stumbled, off balance. Pearl quickly swept the feet out from under Connie, causing the stumbling woman to trip and tumble over. Pearl followed that up by rolling and flipping upward to hold the point of her sword at Connie’s prone form. Both panted in exhaustion as the duel came to a close.

“That was an overconfident move,” Pearl stated harshly, but holding out a hand to help her student stand upright. “You know better than that.”

“I was hoping it might catch you unawares,” Connie panted out, wrapping her hand around Pearl’s and lifting herself up. “Wanted to try to end that quickly. I apologize, master. It was a novice mistake,” Connie bowed herself low and awaited further reprimand.  
  
It didn’t come. “Still, your form before then was otherwise flawless,” Pearl complemented, touching Connie on the back lightly to indicate no need for the bow. Once, she might have been more strict, but years of fighting had given her a lot of faith in her student to correct her own mistakes. Connie arose at the silent command, wearing a weak smile. “Your blade is just as sharp as ever; you have nothing to worry about. But why exactly you want to try to end things so fast?”  
  
“There’s….there’s something I wanted to ask you about,” Connie said, voice matching her slow pace towards the crumbling stands of the Sky Arena, where they had shared so many moments together over the past decade. “I was hoping we could...spend some time talking.”  
  
Pearl’s eyebrow quirked up as Connie took a seat, her student’s posture rigid as she patted the space next to her. Pearl quietly took the invitation, sitting next to Connie and looking upon the girl in concern. Connie didn’t meet her gaze, the girl staring out into the distance and far away from her mentor.  
  
“Alright, Connie. What is it?” Pearl asked simply. She felt no need for further formality. Connie should know she could confide anything in her.  
  
Connie sighed deeply and curled her fingers into her pants, as if bracing herself. Pearl kept herself silence despite her confusion. This was but their usual monthly training session; a pleasant exercise of practice and companionship, hardly a serious affair. What could possibly have Connie so worked up?  
  
“Steven and I...I guess we’re...it’s been pretty hectic lately.” The words only heightened Pearl’s anxiety, the ambiguity and ineloquent speech so unlike how Connie usually sounded.  
  
“Are you two doing okay? He hasn’t been mistreating you, has he? Have the missions been too much? We could always step in more. You know, you really could stand to be taking on less in your last year of college —”  
  
“Pearl, Pearl, it’s okay, I’m _fine_ ,” Connie waved her hands for appeasement while meeting Pearl’s glance, stopping Pearl’s track of maternal fear. “We’re doing great, actually. Steven has been...he’s been helping me a lot. I don’t mind filling in on missions with him and it hasn’t been too hard to manage. It’s been busy, but I like it.” Connie’s voice lifted and she managed a smile while reminiscing about her life alongside her lover, her constant companion.  
  
Pearl let out a calming breath of relief. “I’m glad to hear that. But if that’s really the case, what is the problem?”  
  
Connie’s mouth went into a frown as she clasped her hands together, nervousness overtaking her form once again.  
  
“He’s just been a little distracted lately,” Connie explained as she looked out into the distance again. “He’s so wrapped up in trying to heal corrupted gems, or helping people out in town, or in…” A telltale blush spread across Connie’s cheeks. “Doing the things that...that make me love him.”  
  
Pearl warmed at Connie’s words, reigning in her desire to gush and embarrass her distressed student. She had seen them flourish and grow so much together. Through all the chaos of their lives, their bond had remained constant.  
  
“But he’s so distracted often enough that he hasn’t...he hasn’t really caught on to something I want,” Connie went on, staring down at her clasped hands.  
  
“And what is that, exactly?” Pearl asked, hoping to push Connie towards getting to the point. She could hardly stand the tension.

But Connie hesitated, shifting her glance downwards. She took a couple of deep, steadying breaths. Pearl was on edge at this point and shifted at the edge of her seat unconsciously, ready to spring up. Whatever this was, it couldn’t be good.  
  
“I’m going to ask Steven to marry me,” Connie swung her head around and affixed a passionate stare at her mentor, speaking quickly in an apparent rush to get the statement out in the open. “And I wanted to know if you were okay with it.”  
  
An icy chill seeped into Pearl’s heart as the question was sprung before her. Her mind flew in a thousand different directions, each pulling for her attention, a dull ache starting to pulse around her forehead.  
  
Marriage. The earthly custom of binding your life to another’s until you die. Both spiritually and legally. It did not always work out that way nowadays — humans really were such flighty creatures — but she knew it would here. Steven and Connie were...nearly inseparable. Their love had triumphed through its impossibility. They were already bound together.  
  
She tried to reel in the runaway trains of thought diverting her attention. _Of course,_ this was something she could support. She loved both of them and she loved them together, ever since they were only children!  
  
She would wholeheartedly accept them. This answer should be easy, basic and straightforward.  
  
“That’s _quite_ a step,” she internally chided her coughing response, which was none of those things.  
  
“Perhaps so. But it’s one I’m ready for,” Connie didn’t miss a beat, sitting up tall and staring at Pearl with confidence, evidently revving up for a speech. She appeared to have anticipated her less-than-overwhelmingly enthusiastic response. Pearl felt an irksome pinch of guilt at that.  
  
“We’ve been together for so long already. We’ve already sworn our lives to each other, and that’s good enough for Steven. But...I want to make it official. With all the...all my family’s traditions.” The slight wavering in her voice and the rising blush in her cheeks told Pearl she was a little embarrassed to admit the desire for the frivolous ceremony of a wedding. “It’s important to my family, and it’s important to me. We love each other more than anything, and I want the world to know it.”  
  
Connie took in a lungful of air as Pearl just looked on, starry-eyed and slack-jawed at the passionate words of her pupil.  
  
Her student wavered then, bringing a hand over her eyes and chuckling lightly. “Gosh, when did his sappiness rub off on me? That sounds so much worse than it did in my head.”  
  
Pearl’s eyes watered and she felt a surge of warmth rise through her as her pupil’s heartfelt speech. She felt nostalgic, looking over this bridge the two were crossing, remembering how she had tried to arrange a playdate between Steven and the mysterious human girl on the beach only a decade ago.  
  
And now, Connie wanted to take Steven by the hand for the rest of their lives, however long that was. She would watch over him, protect him, take care of him. Tasks Pearl had once, that she was no longer needed for.  
  
Steven, time already strained, would be forever Connie’s. They would stay together, maybe even raise a family together, eternally intertwined. Because they loved each other more than anything else.  
  
Definitely more than they loved _her_.  
  
“I…” Pearl tried to get out the logical response, but she felt like her stomach was slamming against the walls of her throat, leaving her voiceless. She was tilted, off-balance. Try as she might, she could not stop the painful memory, that felt so much like how she felt in this moment, from playing in her mind.  
  
Pearl could not have ever imagined she would be faced with this moment again. The moment she realized she was being replaced. The moment where she was asked to give up the person she loved more than anything, loved more than the entire universe, to a _human_.

* * *

“Hey, Pearl I...I wanted to talk to you.” Greg’s youthful voice called out from behind her, hazy in the fog of her mind. She didn’t want to remember this conversation. She didn’t want to remember him. She wouldn’t even turn to look at him.  
  
“What could you possibly want to talk to _me_ about?” Pearl made no effort to hide the venom in her voice. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with this temporary usurper. He would be better off butting out of any of her business.  
  
“I...look, I know you’ve been upset. Rose has been telling me a bit about it.”  
  
“Of course she would,” she crossed her arms and silently fumed at the treachery. How Rose had changed from how they used to be, thick as thieves together, words between them remaining that way.  
  
“Look, I get it. You’ve been with her for thousands of years. I’m just a regular guy who hasn’t been here all that long. And now she’s talking about having a human kid and...and I get that’s probably hard for you to take in.”  
  
“You don’t understand  _anything_ ,” Pearl stated simply, walking away from the human man towards the gem warp. She did not have time for his inane ramblings. She didn’t want to hear it.  
  
“Can you...can you just try to her hear her out on this, for her sake? It’s been really eating her up. I know you love her, and I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t. But sometimes … sometimes we have to be ready to let the people we love go. Not that -”  
  
“Go. Away.” Pearl kept her back to him, refusing to let him see her weakness as she stopped in place shook. “You are just a toy to her; you know nothing. She’ll come to her senses soon enough.”  
  
“Pearl, I...that came out wrong-”  
  
“She doesn’t love you like she loves _me_ .” She ran into the warp pad and teleported, desperate to get away, unable to face the realities of her universe tearing itself apart from her. The light did well to hide her grief.

* * *

Pearl was snapped from her reverie as the human girl put a gentle hand on Pearl’s arm in a show of comfort. She sat stone-still, struggling to vocalize anything more. She knew what she should say. Probably could have said back then. She knew this moment was going to come, but desperately did not want to admit it to herself.

The moment when her anchor for the past 23 years was ripped away from her. The moment she would give up her life’s love to another. The moment she would lose her _baby._

“I...of course I’m in support this, Connie,” Pearl nearly swallowed her own words, but she managed to spit them out. She felt her hands start to tremble slightly and struggled in reigning them back to stillness. “I’m happy for both of you.”

Pearl realized she was crying, then. She rushed a hand to her face to wipe away the tears, knocking Connie’s arm away in the process.  
  
“Do you want to—” a sob interrupted Pearl before she could finish. Connie’s arms were around her then, pulling her close. At the feel of her student’s arms, Pearl couldn’t hold it back anymore. She cried freely into Connie’s neck, unable to stand firm against the wave of emotion crashing against her.  
  
“I’m...sorry…” Pearl managed to squeeze out between weepy breaths, but Connie shushed her, running a comfortable hand down her back.  
  
Pearl closed her eyes and let herself drift backwards again.

* * *

The tiny creature perplexed her like nothing else in her millennia of existence.

Despite holding the greatest, most powerful gem in the universe, he had no ability to fend for himself. He was completely helpless, showing no signs of any of Rose’s abilities. Even amongst humans, he was weak, absolutely dependent on the care of others.  
  
Pearl did not understand how humans were able to survive through this form. She was even more baffled by why Rose could ever want one.  
  
The baby before her was sleeping now, content in her own thin arms. It was just the two of them, for the very first time, with Garnet and Amethyst taking care of a sudden mission and Greg needing an afternoon for business. She was reluctant to take on the task of caring for Steven alone, but Garnet had insisted she do so, in her usual knowing way that left little room for argument.  
  
Steven’s face was peaceful, his breathing slow and steady. For a being so small, his weight was firm. His rosy, chubby cheeks would probably be considered cute by most humans. His chest was open in his jumper, as he often demanded, and Rose’s gem shone proudly out to the universe.  
  
Pearl ran her analytical eyes across Steven for the thousandth time and still could not understand him.  
  
She could not understand what about this creature in her arms made Rose want to destroy herself. She could not understand how Rose was able to become this...this thing. She could not understand where Rose was, or if she was really gone. She could not understand why she was so alone now.  
  
A drop of water fell onto Steven’s forehead and he squirmed, perturbed by the sorrow interrupting his slumber.  
  
“No, no, shhh….” Pearl panicked slightly, desperately wanting to keep the demanding creature asleep, but her voice cracked and she was louder than she intended to be. The baby blinked his tiny eyes open, looking up at Pearl’s weeping face before letting out a wail.  
  
“Oh darn it...why does this thing have to be so…” Pearl shut her eyes in frustration, arms occupied and unable to clear her misting eyes. She became momentarily paralyzed, still in the middle of a storm.  
  
But quickly as it came, the baby’s wailing stopped. She felt a warm weight tugging at her shirt and she opened to see Steven trying to crawl up, reaching a tiny little hand towards her face.  
  
Her mouth was left agape when the baby, unable to defy gravity, put his tiny hand on her arm and looked up at her. Steven eyes were distressed, but he didn’t cry, as if for her sake. The beady eyes gazing at her almost looked...concerned for her. They looked at her with care, so much like…  
  
She tried to perish the thought. But she couldn’t.  
  
Carefully, Pearl rolled Steven’s weight onto her left arm and approached him with her right index finger. Steven grabbed onto it and squeezed at the appendage. The pressure was soft and somehow, strangely comforting. He looked up at her with a gummy grin, laughing lightly.  
  
Pearl realized why he looked so happy. She had stopped crying.

She also started to see why Rose found babies appealing.

What she didn’t realize at the time was that Steven had taken firm hold of one of her heartstrings. And that before long, he would grab onto her heart whole, nestling his place within it next to his mother.

* * *

“He’s just...grown up so fast…” Pearl tried to blink the tears out of her eyes as the memories continued to flood her mind. “You’ve  _both_ grown so much,” Pearl corrected herself as she thought about how far Connie had come alongside him.

“We have,” Connie quietly agreed, staying silent while Pearl worked through her breakdown.

Nostalgia kept Pearl’s body locked in place, but she felt the surging tides within her still as she quietly reminisced about her journey with Steven. He had been through so much, and now, the most cherished person in his life was prepared to commit herself forever to him. _This should be a happy moment,_ Pearl tried to reason with herself.  
  
Pearl disentangled herself from Connie and held her at arm's length, looking deeply into the face of the woman that had sprung up before her careful tutelage. She was strong, fierce and beautiful. A dutiful knight and a partner who had been with her Steven through thick and thin. Someone who loved him as much as she did. Someone she could trust to take care of him.  
  
Someone Steven would choose above all others, Pearl knew. That’s ultimately what counted. A part of her screamed in protest, but she refused to let that impulse consume her. She had grown enough to admit to herself she was coming in second.  
  
Pearl sighed and let go of the girl, wiping an arm across her face before getting up and standing to face Connie. She conjured a hologram out of her gem; Steven, bright-eyed and small, barely five-years-old.  
  
“It’s hard for me to admit it,” Pearl tried to explain in the best way she thought she could. The hologram before her reached up towards her with eager arms that could never probably reach her. Or so she thought. “I’ve watched him from the minute he entered this world. Every minute he desperately tried to be one of us — looking at us like…”  
  
She stared deeply into the starry gaze of Steven, his face open and beaming in wonder.  
  
“Like we were the greatest thing in his universe,” Pearl smiled, glancing through the hologram towards Connie. For her part, Connie watched attentively, wearing a small smile as watched Pearl go through the motions. Ever the attentive student.  
  
“Kind of like how…” the image of Steven shimmered, but Pearl closed her eyes and focused on not letting the stray thought ruin her presentation and demeanour. “Like how she used to look at me sometimes.” She clamped down hard on her impulse to wail. She wanted to be beyond that now.  
  
“But as he grew up…” Pearl didn’t linger too long on her lost lover, changing the hologram to Steven, the young teenager, shield in hand and a fierce expression on his face. “He didn’t look at us as much like that. He started to realize...what we really were,” Pearl clutched onto herself and looked down in shame as she remembered those difficult years when Homeworld returned to Earth and Steven lost much of the innocence that defined his youth. “He realized we needed him as much as he needed us.”  
  
“But now…” she let the image flicker again to be face-to-face with the Steven she loved today. Only a couple of feet shorter than his gargantuan mother, flowing curly hair, burly and muscular but with rounded edges he had never quite outgrown. The powerful man, who…  
  
“Now he looks at you like that,” Pearl stated, closing her eyes as she made the hologram turn. She conjured the image in her mind — one that she had plenty of reference material for — of Steven looking at Connie like _she_ was the only thing in his universe.

Pearl opened her eyes and let the hologram fade as she gazed straight at Connie, who was blushing at the faded image, her mouth now drawn into an uncertain line.

“I guess it’s just hard for me to admit,” Pearl raked her eyes over Connie’s form again and smiled with pride. “That we’re not the most important thing in his world anymore. That he doesn’t really need us anymore.”  
  
Unbidden, another tear made it’s way down Pearl’s cheek as she let her eyes fall to the cracked, worn ground of the sky arena. Connie was upon her again before she could look up, nearly knocking her off balance and holding her tight.  
  
“He is  _always_ going to need you,” Connie grabbed both of Pearl’s hands and stared up at her with a fierce passion that left Pearl taken aback. “ _Nothing_ will ever change that, Pearl. Trust me on this.”  
  
Pearl shook her head to protest the idea — she knew that Steven had long since passed the threshold of being dependent on her — but Connie cut her off with an emblazoned shake of Pearl’s arms.  
  
“I could _never_ take the place of you or the other gems in his life, and I would never want to. He still depends on fact that you’ll always be there for him. And this is the part of his universe I’m signing up for too,” Connie put a hand over her heart and clutched into her shirt. Pearl was too stunned for words and let her pupil go on.  
  
“I promise that I’ll look after him. That I’ll stay by his side for as long as I live; that I’ll fight alongside him no matter what we might face.” Once again, Pearl felt a surge of nostalgia spring up within her as she saw herself reflected in Connie’s eyes, making a similar promise when she was thousands of years younger.  
  
“But I also promise we’re going to be here for _you_ ,” Connie grabbed Pearl’s hands tightly, again, interlocking her fingers with the gem, who meekly left her arms slack. “And Garnet, and Amethyst, and Peridot, and Lapis, and everyone else. We’re not going to leave you behind.” Connie beamed up at her and Pearl could see the woman’s eyes getting watery. She didn’t want to think about how wet her own face looked now.  
  
“I want to be part of your universe.” The conviction with which she spoke stirred in the back Pearl’s mind as she felt a sudden surge of confidence. Steven really had been rubbing off on her. “And we need you to be part of ours.”  
  
Pearl trembled as she tried to reign in her urge to start crying again. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn’t help it. She managed a watery smile and mouthed a ‘thank you,’ afraid that if she raised her voice, an uncontrollable torrent would spring forth from her.  
  
“Anytime.” Connie didn’t hesitate to embrace her, dragging her along to return to their seats in the stands. She pressed up against Pearl, wrapping a comforting arm around her and letting Pearl’s head rest against her hard shoulder.  
  
Pearl closed her eyes as the two breathed in unison. She let the slow rhythm soothe her, taking additional comfort in the familiar orange sky in front of her. She indulged in the pleasant moment, in being less than Connie’s prim and mighty teacher, just this once. She could trust Connie wouldn’t hold it against her.

“You’ve asked the others, I presume?” Pearl got straight to business once she gathered herself. No need to dally; she needed the facts as soon as possible.  
  
“Amethyst and Greg were pretty relaxed about it. Greg said it wasn’t really needed but...it just felt like the right thing to do,” Connie responded. “It _is_ a big step, to me. I want to be sure that everyone is okay before we leap together.”  
  
“And Garnet?” Pearl could guess how she responded but wanted to be certain.  
  
“She already knew. Didn’t stop her from swinging me around the room though,” Connie chuckled as she disentangled herself from Pearl, the clinging moment between them passed.  
  
“Yes, well, that figures,” Pearl replied, the laughter that fell from her lips making her lungs ache. It was nonetheless a pleasant change of pace.  
  
“You know, this hasn’t really gone how I expected. I had a bigger speech planned, with a more elaborate argument,” Connie explained, voice light as the clouds, smiling at her.  
  
“You thought I would be the hardest to convince.” Pearl didn’t need to question that. It still hurt a little, but she didn’t dwell on the pain.  
  
“Was I wrong?” The question should have been a punch to the gut, but it was light and teasing, Connie’s spirits in good humour.  
  
“Watch your tongue, my pupil,” Pearl played along, rising up to face her student down, hands behind her back and posture uptight. “You wouldn’t want to swing that sharp wit around carelessly and hurt someone unintentionally.” She put on airs but winked at Connie.  
  
“Yes ma’am,” Connie responded with a faux salute, biting on her lip to contain her giggles.  
  
“Allow me to better answer your request,” Pearl went on with the routine, standing right before Connie. “You have proven yourself ready enough. I give my blessing of your marriage to Steven.” She nodded to her future daughter before her stony face split open and she gave a gentle smile towards the wonderful woman in front of her. “There’s no one better in this world for him.”  
  
“You do me great honour,” Connie played the part, bowing down to her master, before springing back up lightly. “Thank you Pearl. It means a lot to me.”  
  
Pearl put a hand on Connie’s shoulder. The girl had once again shown her the value that humans held, teaching her in ways she never thought possible. For their sakes, she could let go of Steven. His heart was big enough for the both of them and she could be content with taking a step back in his life if Connie was watching over him.  
  
They had both grown so much. This woman, in so many ways her mirror, quickly becoming far more mature and wise than she could have ever imagined.  
  
Pearl only hoped Connie could be as proud of her own reflection standing before her.  
  
“Well then, shall we go another round?” Pearl suggested, picking up her sword from the stone seating.  
  
Connie eagerly grabbed her own blade, lowering herself into a ready position as she faced Pearl.  
  
“Let us make this the perfect battle,” Connie eloquently spoke the familiar mantra, before charging Pearl head-on.  
  
There was a comfort that filled Pearl as their blades clashed and her body ached from the impact of Connie’s blows. Comfort in knowing Steven would be protected by someone who was very much her match. Warmth in knowing her opponent was very much _his_ match, as well. A pleasant stirring of her maternal pride at seeing the two grow to love each other so absolutely.  
  
_And love you too,_ a small voice inside of herself said, and despite the serious tension of their sparring, Pearl’s face burst into a beaming grin at the thought.  
  
She was fully aware they couldn’t possibly be there for her forever. That wasn’t realistic, given the fleeting lives of humans. She could live with that.  
  
But she knew she would _always_ be there for them. That could drive her now.  
  
Pearl noticed the expression of confusion spread across Connie’s face, before taking advantage of the momentary lapse in her pupil’s concentration to knock her sword flying out of her hands.  
  
“Maybe you’re getting a little sloppier than I thought,” Pearl teased.  
  
Connie pouted in response, earning another chuckle from Pearl before the woman ran over to pick up her fallen sword.  
  
“One more time,” Connie asked fiercely, affixing her master with a determined glare.  
  
Pearl answered the look in-kind. “For you, my dear, always.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this is a nice cooldown from Stevenbomb-related misery (though this was largely written before it).
> 
> Thank you, as always, to my tremendous editor Meepyonnee.
> 
> Please, leave a comment and/or a kudos if you enjoyed it. =)


End file.
